How To Break Up With Someone...


"Dear Kalyn,  do you have any advice on ending it with someone who you really like but know for sure it wouldn't work out in the future while saving yourself and them from hurt?"

Oh boy. 

Breaking up is never an easy thing to do, and I hate to be one of those cliché people who say this, but I would much rather be broken up with than do the breaking.  As much as it sucks to get your heart broken and shattered into a million pieces, I think the only worse feeling can be doing that exact thing to someone else, especially if that person hasn't done anything to deserve it.  Nothing's wrong, but nothing is quite right either.  Sometimes you really do "just know".  

So now what? Instantly you're faced with the overwhelming desire to evaporate into thin air and reappear somewhere far on the other side of the earth, going by the name of Roseda, leaving all of your problems behind as you drink fine wine in a melt puddle of puppies (wow even typing that gave me mad FOMO).  Unfortunately, teleportation isn't a thing yet (it's 2017 earth, get it together) so instead we'll go with option B) facing it head on.  

So how do you break up with someone without hurting them or you?  To put it simply, you don't.  
I hate the be the bearer of bad news, but there is not a breakup in the history of planet earth if not the entire universe that didn't sting, even just a little.  Breakups suck, no matter what end of the bargain you're on so before we take things any further, I feel like I have to make that disclaimer.  There is no quick, clean way to do it, unless maybe you're still in those early stages where you haven't seen how ugly his feet are and he has no idea that you drool in your sleep.  It's going to suck, it's going to hurt, you're going to feel like absolute crap and so is the other person, that's just the way the cookie crumbles.  I do have a tiny bit of good news though, the sooner you do it, the less it will hurt.  Prolonging a relationship once you know it's over for you is only going to leave the other person feeling more hurt in the long wrong, and you feeling more suffocated and anxious about the idea of it all.  You have to rip the band-aid as they say so you can both let the dust fall and start the healing process.  

Here's how:

1. Don't do it over text.  Ever.  Never.  Ever.  Or e-mail (if you're prehistoric like that).  Or even the phone, unless you live thousands of miles away from one another.   Is it easier to do it that way? Absolutely, but this is someone you've shared good memories with, and they deserve better.  Do it in person.  

2. Do it quick.  Don't hesitate, don't linger, don't spend half the day hanging out with this person waiting for the right time to do it.  You just have to do it.  If you don't know what to say, just be as honest as you can and the words will flow.  Or try writing them a letter that says everything you're afraid you can't, but either way do it right then and there.   
3. Don't leave anything behind. Grab what's yours and go.  If you can't grab everything you need to, coordinate a friend to do it for you to save you both the hurt, and the potential slip up when seeing each other again.  The faster you split ties, the faster you can both start working on healing and moving on.

4. Stand your ground.  Go into the breakup with a strong reason why.  Why does this have no future? Why are you two not fit for the long term? Write it down or say it over in your head.  That way if the person tries to pursued you to stay, you can constantly say it over and over in your head so you don't cave in the moment.  As much as you think you won't, watching someone you care about in obvious pain that you've triggered can drive anyone to abandon ship and try again.  And this includes days and weeks later when the sudden reality of your new loneliness may be setting in and they've started checking up on your or sending you snapchats... Have you're reason why, and stand your ground.  (Politely of course) 

5. Let yourself be sad. Even if you're the one doing the breaking, you're allowed to be sad.  Just because you knew this was something that had no future doesn't take away the memories, love or care you have for this person.  You're going to be sad, it's going to feel confusing, let yourself feel all of it and take your own time getting over this.  Mourn the loss of the relationship so you too can move on and make the most of why you had to do it all in the first place.

Like I said, breakups are not easy.  It's why there's so many songs about it, poems about it, even movies based around it (suddenly feeling the urge to watch John Tucker Must Die).  It's all a part of life, and one day you'll look back on it and see why it had to happen, how much stronger it made you, and ultimately how it led you to the future you knew was really waiting for you despite how upsetting it was that they couldn't be in it.  Hang in there, with time it will all make sense. 

That's all for me folks,  feel free to leave your own opinions or tips below in the comments.  
I'm off to make myself some stir fry and actually throw on John Tucker Must Die because I actually forgot that movie existed until now and suddenly need to watch it.  
If you have anything you want a blog post on, feel free to comment or tweet me, and aside from that, I'll see you all next week! 

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  1. I agree with you. What I would do is invite them for a coffee, rather than texting them. I hate when people break up with you over text, and since someone did that to me, I would never do it to anyone. I would invite my partner to a cafe and start by appreciating all the good times we shared and tell them the things they brought to my life that I will always be thankful for. Then, I would tell them the reasons or if I don't have legit reason, but i just feel it doesn't work, then I would tell them as much as I try to avoid it, there's something wrong and how I would rather be honest with them, than to have cold feet.It sucks to break up with someone, but at the end of the day, it will mutually benefit both people

    1. I think this is a very mature way to deal with breaking up with someone. Someone broke up with me via text after having ignored me for a whole week. They said they were "building up the courage." Also, got no reason. I would have at least appreciated a, "Well I can't say exactly whats wrong, but, I just feel like this isn't right anymore." This was a great post Kalyn.

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  3. Very good post! ^^
    Can you next time write a post about what to do when you are in love with your bestfriend and he considers you only as a friend and you are afraid to tell him that he is not only a friend for you, because you are afraid of losing him as a friend if that would not work

  4. This text is helping me so much!!
    Any tips on how to not freak out when seeing them after a bad break up?

  5. This is such good advice! Could you do one where you decide if you should break up with someone or maybe how to know if your partner is being controlling/manipulative?
    I can´t wait for the new things to come on here and your youtube channel!

  6. I love that you included GIFs in this post! Hahaha

  7. Hi Kalyn Could you do a post on how to get over or move on from a break up? I've just got out of a 3 year relationship and finding it hard to cope Thank you ps. I absolutely love you and your videos ❤️

  8. I love the gifs! Great advice too!

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